Face your feelings…

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“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” -Benjamin Disraeli

I’ve written alot about ‘keeping it real’. I wear my openness with pride and for the most part, it has helped me and many others, deal with life and the many challenges it presents, in a positive way.

However, at present, there is a tough issue I am facing personally and it has caused me to look deep within, about ‘keeping it real’.

It seems I have been keeping it real with the majority of my life and burying a major part of me. A feeling that has been hard to face and even harder to decipher.

I have also come to realise that there are times in my life, that I confuse ‘keeping it real’ , with sharing every thought that pops into my head, good or bad, in the name of ‘being myself’.

Ouch.

In doing this, I have trivialised situations and handed over a negative mood to someone I love, rather than working through my stress or anxiety with the things I know work. Things like journaling, riding my bike, soaking in a bath or VENTING to my sunny sisters in the Sunny Mummy Sisterhood. For a ‘talker’, a woman and an open person, I have come to realise that this trifecta is not a good combination for those who have to live closely with me, if I share my every thought by being so ‘open’ all they want to do is ‘shut’ me up

Whilst it is more than ok to share fears, genuine dilemmas, sadness etc I have come to realise I need to be more mindful and aware that ‘this too shall pass’. That these are the times my journal is better off hearing about my complaints or petty reactions to certain situations.

Right now, I am way DEEP in I experiencing an A.F.G.O ….which a fellow Sunny Mummy kindly introduced me to as ‘Another F***ing Growth Opportunity’.

So glad it has a name, aren’t you?

Basically, this AFGO is me, trying to ‘SIT’ with feelings that have surfaced, without judging or rushing to take action, and subsequently burying them til they resurface.

Make sense? Stick with me…

Today’s post is really not about me {although I admit up until now it seems that way}.  Ironically, sharing is something I would normally do, to help myself work through an issue and hopefully help someone else in the process. However, this particular issue, calls for the exact opposite!

It calls for looking within and sitting with the feelings that are surfacing…and it is bloody tough. Which is why I am writing about it. To help myself and possibly you, ascertain if there are times in our lives, when we inadvertently contribute to the issues we face by not FACING THEM????

When we are confronted by an issue, I wonder how many of us revert inward or outward. Ie is the problem we are facing a result of someone or something, or are we emotionally intelligent enough to take ownership of it.

Either way, it is not easy.

Whilst it is human nature to often see things as black & white, IE you have been ‘wronged’ or you have done wrong, in reality, what is really needed is an objective view of the problem and a willingness to ‘sit with’ the feelings that come along with it.

Both blaming ourselves or others is exhausting and really, it robs us of the power to experience personal growth and create change.

For mothers in particular, it can be a double whammy. Before we have even had a chance to acknowledge, let alone SIT WITH a feeling, we go and make ourselves feel even worse, by adding another layer of guilt to our initial feeling, for FEELING a certain way!

Sheesh…

We think we shouldn’t be short or angry or tired when it comes to dealing with our kids and that we should be stronger, calmer, more patient, or whatever. However, as human beings and parents, we MUST give ourselves permission to experience the full range of emotions and not be in a hurry to move away from our ‘truth’.

As tough as feeling or facing our truth can be, NOT facing it can be even tougher. There is always, a risk behind the risk and a feeling behind the feeling. If you numb the negative feelings then you can pretty much guarantee you are going to numb down the positive ones also.
So what I am asking of myself and you today is this,  allow yourself to FEEL without judging.

Always remember that we are all dealing challenging issues at one time or another, it’s how we react to them and move forward as a result, that makes us different!

PS I was chatting to my dear friend Lisa (whom you can find at Lisa and Mini-G) about this and joked about how ‘deep’ we were getting. Somehow, together, we both decided that it was important to;

“Not get so deep that you have to be dug out!”

So here is to digging into your feelings but not burying yourself in the process

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