Not so long ago, I wrote about ‘facing your feelings‘, to share that there was a tough issue I am facing personally, without sharing the ‘actual’ issue. The issue I was facing, called for looking within, in a way that I have NEVER done before, and sitting with the feelings that were surfacing.
It was and IS, bloody tough.
At the time, I shared how I was feeling with only 3 people. One of those people, was my soul sista, Lisa, of Lisa and Mini G.
This woman is such a wise owl, I almost expect her to ‘hoot’ at night 
Upon sharing how I was feeling, Lisa immediately suggested I needed to get away for the weekend. To be me. Stacey. Alone with my thoughts.
At the time, we both thought we would spend this weekend, discussing where I was at and workshop ways to move forward, as a result.
Over the coming weeks, HUGE things happened in my life. I read widely, looked deep within and shared freely with my psychologist, who helped me become, the Sunny Mummy I am today.
In the midst of a raging storm, whilst decked out in gumboots, a raincoat and umbrella, I knew the rainbow was coming but that I needed to experience the storm. Rather than hide & seek shelter, I looked the storm in the eye, danced in the rain and got a burnt a couple of times by lightening. It was scary.
However, through it all, somehow, I felt a deep sense of peace…
Could it be, this was the perfect storm?
The one that was in the forecast for years but kept getting swept away by my inability to cope with it, in other seasons?
Finally, my season was here and it was time to batten down the hatches.
Or was it?
No, rather than hide while this storm passed, I chose to face my fear and with the help of my amazing support network, I decided to acknowledge that it was/is a difficult time.
I let myself off the hook….
At the end of the day, all any of us can ever do, is the best we can, at this time, in this moment, with the variables we have been given.
I welcomed the transition phase and now, am learning to cope with a new set of circumstances.
And what are these circumstances?
Well this time last week, I was checking into the AMAZING Byron at Byron, Resort and Spa, for the weekend Lisa had planned for us, back when the clouds started rolling in.
Looking back, neither of us realised how significant, this weekend, would turn out to be.
“Are you here for the wedding? ” , the staff politely enquired.
Lisa and I looked at each other….
“Quite the opposite”, I replied.
You see, last weekend, marked the 1st ever, as a weekend to myself, as Stacey, an adult woman, who has just seperated from her husband
I cried, laughed, meditated, journaled, conceptualised a book, danced and, ticked many things off a list of things I have never done and swore I would never do!
Rules. Silly rules that I let define me.
No more.
In this day and age of social networking, our network = our support system.
Our interaction with one another moves us towards interdependence, albeit behind a screen alot of the time.
Interdependence flows into growth. To grow, one must share, sharing is vital to the survivial of us all.
I have ALWAYS kept it real as Sunny Mummy and NOTHING has been more REAL than this…
I have learnt more about myself in 4 weeks than 33 years and last weekend, as I met Stacey, I learnt that she is a TOP CHICK and so much MORE than a mother and wife.
Spending the weekend in paradise with Lisa, who has walked this path before me, was nothing short of life changing.
{Lisa and I enJOYing Byron on our 1st night out}
Lisa has held my hand without guiding me in any direction and whilst I feel incredible pain for the circumstances, I also feel profound peace…
Whilst I have always known life is not a competition for who is happier or not, who posseses more drama or is calmer (just quietly, I could have a crack at most drama title) what I have come to realise, is that this is OUR life, OUR journey and whilst people join you on it, at certain times, the only person ever with you, the entire time, is YOU!
One needs to know and LOVE, themselves wholly and deeply, in order to be truly at peace.
For the first time ever, I am living day by day.
No plans. No expectations. Just recognising the POWER OF NOW!
I now truly understand, I am, we all are, a work in progress, that will never be complete!
A woman walking the path of life, stopping along the way to see different places, meet different people and certainly NOT living, with the end in mind.
NOW, is all I want in my mind because yesterday is OVER and tomorrow has not happened yet…I don’t want my mind visiting places that no longer, or are yet to, exist.
My weekend in Byron was BEYOND blissful and you can read a little about it, from Lisa’s perspective, plus see some more lovely pics, over at Lisa and Mini G.
Next week, Lisa and I will share more about this piece of paradise, that we are already planning to return to, to commence writing our first book together.
Thank you for reading this, for being a part of my life, for your encouragement, support and understanding during this time.
You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be yourself – Alan Alda
Ps The picture above, of me walking on the boardwalk at the resort, was captured by Lisa. The dress I am wearing is my absolute all time FAVE and from Bella Lido. Oh and no, my tan is NOT real It is Australia’s only organic tan, Eco Tan (highly recommend the invisible tan for at home use).
Also, the books I have read to help me during this time are ‘A New Earth’ by Eckhart Tolle and ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay. I cannot recommend them highly enough for anyone who wants to change their approach to life. The next book I recommend you read, is by yours truly and Lisa J Humphries, oh wait, you’ll have to wait til 2012 for that one. It will be a best seller!
BELIEVE x
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Change… so many people see this word as scary… truth is that it isn’t scary it is PURE opportunity! It is the opportunity to learn, to see things from a different place, to open arms and hearts or to close doors and know that they shouldn’t be re-opened!! You simply cannot KNOW who you are as a person when you let yourself be lost… the SCARY thing is how much we lose sight of who we actually are without even knowing the compromises we make!! All mummies should take a little time out for them selves to REMEMBER who they are… the person before romance, the person before motherhood… the person YOU are underneath it all!! it is NOT okay to lose YOU to life and responsibility and all the things you THINK you SHOULD be!!! Celebrate you AND the life you live!! xx
PURE OPPORTUNITY! Say no more x
I am so happy for you!!! You really are AMAZING and I’m so glad you found that out too!!! Can’t wait to hear more about this book! Sending you sooo much love and sunny hugs!! oxoxoxox
Can feel the love and the hugs! The book will be published next year, stay tuned x
Great writing as usual Stacey. Big hugs and Thanks for sharing. I hope on your path to discovering yourself that you might end up back with the same person. I learnt many years ago that to find myself it didn’t mean that my partner wasn’t part of it. kwim? I’m not saying this is true for everybody, and I’m certainly not at all saying I know your situation, but I wanted to share that thought. A councilor at the time told me this, that I didn’t have to ‘choose’. Once I realised this, I actually was little freer and more at peace. hugs to you xxxx
Sooooo true Aleesa and in fact, I didn’t choose. Which shocked the pants off me but I now know was MEANT to work out that way. He gave me a gift and a lesson that I was not ready to give myself. Hope that makes sense. It will all work out exactly the way it is meant to and I hope it is with my gm too. Thanks for sharing your wise words x
I loved that you have stood out in the rain and wind, facing the storm head on. Have courage of a lion and shout loudly to the wind of change, “I am not afraid”. Sending you warm and fuzzy hugs!
I can feel those hugs Rochelle and I do feel like the Lion who looks brave and strong but at times lacks courage but I will get there and you’re right, I AM NOT AFRAID and that it seems, is worth more than anything!
OMG that is going the be the most Amazaballs book eva!
xoxoxoxo
YES, it IS! Thank you x
Two things resonated with me in this, Stace. One was living in this moment, this very moment. That’s a really difficult thing for me to do as i seem to always be planning or dwelling or whatever only to find that the moment has passed and what i was planning for happened differently anyway, then i’m left to dwell on what i missed! The other was that i need to take responsibility for my feelings and state of being, completely and wholly, and stop making it someone else’s issue, because i’m really good at that at the moment.
It sounds so tough, but even through your writing you sound so much more peaceful and clear than you ever have. What you’re doing is encouraging mothers to find their happiness within themselves, to know and to love themselves. Because once you do, your ability to interact and be social is infinately easier; not pleasing anyone else anymore, just pleasing yourself. And people love genuine people – if you’ve truly discovered yourself and realise the amazing beauty within, then being yourself in addictive
Thanks for such a deep post, you’ve given me heaps to think about… i might just go and make a cuppa, sit in the sun and do some hardcore “being”
Em xxx
HARDCORE Being, I love it! I knew when I met you, that you and I had more in common than just Sunny Mummy. This really is the toughest thing I have ever experienced but I know for sure, we are sent these experiences to teach us something greater than what it seems at the time. Looking forwards to sitting in the sunshine at the retreat with you, hardcore BEING x
Dear Stacey,
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others, like myself, who are going through a similar situation as yours. Thank you for your words, which helped me feel immeasurably better after one of the worst days ever. Your strength, honesty, and hope are inspiring and calming. Thank you, thank you, thank you…this piece was a saving grace.
HI Nicole, thank you for your kind words, I hope you can find peace with your situation. As I mentioned in my post, journaling, reading and counselling have helped me immensely. Here if you need me x
I wish you well Stacey on your new path. It was a suprise, as you have always spoken so highly of the GM. You are an amazing and strong woman who has an inspiring capacity for moving forward with positivity. Thank you for sharing something so personal to you.
Thanks Dani. It was a surprise to me to that it came to this. Make no mistake, my husband was and is, a thorough gentleman. We are on this journey together, yet separately and will either return stronger than ever or continue as parenting partners. No matter what, I am blessed to have him in my world x
oh stacey!! my heart breaks for you and does a happy dance for you all at the same time…… i lovelovelove to know that you are feeling PEACE through the pain. thanks for keeping it real, babe. i cannot wait to hug you in person again, but for now:
xoxoxoxoxoxo, buf
Thanks Buffy, I can FEEL that hug x
Beautiful girl, so brave for sharing this. Thank goodness for LJH, true friends know when to just “be”. I’m so glad you have met Stacey….now you need to start loving her
So proud to call you my friend, and to tell everyone that although you were going through the hardest time of your life, you were still there for me, asking if I needed help.
We don’t live in each other’s pockets, but I’m so grateful to have you in my life.
Keep keeping it real, you don’t realize how empowering it is to be reminded that we don’t always have to feel a certain way, just how we need to at the time.
Finally a book is on the way, that’s going to be a cracker!!
Love ya XX
Thanks lovely Lisa, hope things are improving for you x
Stacey, so glad you ‘got’ what I was trying to say. I’m not always the most eloquent with the written words. Sounds like you are both on a journey.. xxxx hugs x
Hey gorgeous…let love & light guide you ~xOx~
Stacey – I have to say that whilst I applaud what you’ve done in changing your life and your attitude to confronting that, it does worry me from a Sunny Mummy point of view. It’s hard to find anyone these days who is supportive of the “nuclear” family and all the trials and tribulations a relationship with the opposite sex and a partner who is also the father of your children – a true partnership. PLEASE don’t lose your positiveness, PLEASE don’t start on the anti-men campaign which today seems to popular. PLEASE continue to be supportive of ALL families and all Sunny Mummys – we NEED that from you. What you’ve given me and many others is support of our relationships and that is fantastic, the reminders that we still have relationships and are not just mothers is so important for those who have relationships worth working on. Take care my dear and I look forward to seeing you in November!
Dear Stace,
Somedays will be hard and it’ll feel like you’re getting no where and then there will be days that you are able to stand at a wonderful vantage point and see how far your journey really has taken you. Cherish these moments and let them drench your soul in the emotion it brings.
There is so much from your post that I can relate to. You know my story and I won’t make it public here. But when I seperated close to 3 years ago it was terrifying and such a release of peace all at the same time. What I can say to you Dear Sunshine is that take this time to be easy on yourself. There is nothing stopping you from growing, and it’s going to be a continuous journey. It’s a huge change to suddenly be by yourself again. For me I remember the loss of having someone to talk to was the hardest thing. Some friends and family just got sick of me calling!
This is an amazing time to grow, take time to just be, take time to reflect and welcome all those moments that challenge your thinking. People will come in and out of your life for a reason along this journey, all to help you to grow and rediscover yourself. Welcome them, learn what you can and know when it’s their time to leave that their job is done and it’s time for you to face the next step in your self discovery.
I don’t know why but one piece of advice that has been so very helpful to me is screaming in my head to be sent to you… This challenged my thinking immensly. I went through a whole range of emotions before it hit me and I was able to let go.
“Don’t just wipe the slate clean…. DROP the slate. Slate is deciptively heavy and too much to carry”.
Suddenly with this one piece of advice I could not just be in a situation that previously I’d felt extremely uncomfortable in.
Enjoy this fresh air for you to breath. You are a strong person and remember that if you could see you, the way we see you, you’d think you were AMAZEBALLS as well.
Keep shining gorgous soul xx
Sometimes when things are dark and scary I tend to withdraw from the world a little and forget that there is always another mumma out there walking a similar path. I experienced an estrangement from a significant person in my life this week and although it is a positive change it has felt like an emotional rollercoaster and I feel very drained. It is so very have the courage to be true to yourself and prioritise your own mental health and happiness when doing so means hurting someone else. Sending love to our favourite sunny mummy & a verse from my favourite poem
“It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.”
The Invitation-Oriah mountain Dreamer.
Stacey thanks so much for sharing your journey with all of us, it is an immensely personal thing to be dealing with. These 2 pearls of wisdom that you have imparted today could possibly be the key to living a great life – it doesn’t mean they are easy to achieve! For me, I think the hardest thing is getting re-aquainted with myself – it is so easy to refer to myself in reference to my relationships (with my kids, my husband and my family). It is hard to break that cycle of putting everyone else first (and lets be honest it is SO much easier to cover up your own truths by using them as a decoy). I think that it also ties in so well with the living for now, this moment…I have supported my closest friend through a separation in the last 18 months, and having been her sounding board I feel most privileged to have seen her make massive personal breakthroughs (the ones where she thinks she suddenly understands everything and where she is going) to have another one the very following week. We can’t regret the past, we can’t predict the future, we can only LIVE for what we have right NOW.
Keep up your amazing journey – and please keep sharing with us all, your insight into being the best we can be is fabulous!
Clel
PS – I applaud you for being so positive and supportive of your husband through this journey, it is so very common to hear the most sad and negative things being spoken about spouses (and often in front of children). As someone who has grown up in a Brady Bunch household, I can tell you that the side of the family that maintained an honest respect and communication between the adults, and the children is the side that has prospered and our relationships have grown and we are a strong (but separate) family unit. It is not always easy, but it is worth it.
Stace,
sometimes in life i look to others for advice and i always find myself putting those others on a pedestal, thinking of them as better than me, wiser, prettier, i find myself thinking about how others see that person compared to me, lately i have turned to me for advice, i have started askingmyself what i would do before going to others, i have found myself very forgiving of my own mistakes and very reassuring when i need it.
reading your post has shown me that everything i am learning about tuning to myself is about following my path, learning where i am meant to be in this worls not where i am meant to be in others worlds.
this sisterhood has taught me a few very important things that i will always hold dear to me and one of them is that i am me and no one will ever be me or take my place! i am slowly coming to understand that i am who i deserve to be.. and i deserve to be the greatest me there has ever been! i deserve to shine my light brighter than anyone else could shine my light.
Stace you deserve to shine your light unlike any other can! you ARE the person you deserve to be and you are amazeballs!
you inspire me daily with how you you really are!
xxxxx
Dear Stacey,
Thank you for much for sharing with us. You are doing so well and should be really proud of yourself, you are being the best Stacey you can be and you can’t ask anything else of yourself
I separated from my husband last November and while it was scary (I didn’t plan on being a single mother) it has been the best thing that could of ever happened for both my children and I. Everyones circumstances are different but I think one similarity is that we all tend to lose ourselves. I had a light bulb moment last week and felt like after 7 year I finally got back in touch with Deborah and now I am looking forward to getting to know myself all over again.
Such huge life changes can be scary but what is life without change. Remember God never gives you more than you can handle. So keep being you, keeping getting to know Stacey and most of all be easy on yourself along the journey.
Big hugs
Deb xox
P.S. I can’t wait to read your book. The family and community you have created in Sunny Mummy is nothing short of extraordinary – your words, your support and encouragement has really enriched my life