This morning I noticed the lovely Nathalie from Easy Peasy Kids, had posted a link on Facebook, to a story of which the headline, interested me greatly.

Read this headline:

Gwyneth Paltrow tells women to stay at home if you want to have children!

What is YOUR instant reaction?

It might be “easy for her to say”, “typical out of touch with reality, celebrity mother” or even “I agree”…

Now please click here and read THIS.

Please tell me, if you read ANYWHERE in that article, Gwyneth telling women to stay home if you want to have children?

As far as I can read, Gwyneth did nothing more than outline HER day, share HER views on wanting to maintain HER marriage which, for HER, means being at home, when her husband comes home.

Where is the bit where she TELLS WOMEN TO STAY AT HOME IF YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN?

Sure, she said to a friend that if she wants a family and to be a wife, she would have to compromise.

Nothing new there. Show me a woman who is currently juggling the demands of motherhood with ANYTHING ELSE {be it a partner,work, LIFE} who DOES NOT COMPROMISE every.single.day.

Only this morning I shared this picture on Facebook:

Isn’t this basically what Gwyneth was saying?

Wasn’t she being a good friend by keeping it real, sharing her honest opinion that if you want the family part, you have to compromise, it won’t all be about YOU anymore. And she is right. It won’t. Wether you are a celebrity or not. She didn’t say to her friend;

“Now listen Scarlett, about this family thing. If you want to get married and have children, you simply cannot work anymore and must stay home. So before you say YES to that 14 carat rock, think about if you want to swap your academy award winning career for staying at home with the children. Full stop. There is simply no other way. Trust me, I am Gwyneth”.

Celebrity Mother

It seems to be me that no matter what Gwyneth had said, she would have copped flak.

Had she said “You can have it all”, mothers all over would have been declaring war on Gwyneth and her ‘out of touch’ view. Instead she spoke the truth, and shared HER reality, and readers are subjected to selective journalism which only adds fuel to the already out of control fire that is the competitive sport known as motherhood!

The above mentioned article appears within the ‘Mother and Baby’ section and I want to know WHERE are the articles of encouragement? Are mothers wanting reality AND positivity, really so far and few between? I doubt it….

For what it is worth, I like Gwyneth Paltrow. I like that she has her finger in many pies AND like me, she can rap NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton”! {what can I say, Rooty hill, circa 1992 & a certain white girl was obsessed with African American Music, what’s Gwyneth’s excuse?} Watch Gwyneth rap here.

OK rapping and wether you like Gwyneth or not aside, I have said it before and I say it again…

Mothers are mothers, no matter who they are, where they live or what they do. There is no such thing as a celebrity mother. It’s just another unnecessary label and depending on your view, a celeb mum is someone you look up to and wish you were like, or loathe and allow yourself to feel like shit over OR neither here nor there. SHE IS JUST ANOTHER MUM so lets RESPECT her.

When I was on Mornings with Kerri-Anne, KAK asked me about model mums, like Miranda Kerr. I told KAK “I LOVE Mirander Kerr”. Being a mum is NOT her profession, being a model is and she has the resources to look amazing. SHE HAS TO, it is how she makes her living! {you can watch it here }.

Don’t believe everything you read or THINK!

OK so the media is not going to stop their game of pitting mothers against one another anytime soon, so here’s the deal.

Don’t believe everything you read and more importantly, don’t believe everything you THINK!

Your thoughts control how you feel and if you read something and take it at face value, then you are going to react to selective journalism such as this. You are going to feel like no matter what you do, you could be doing better.

And my friend, we ALL have areas we think we could be doing better in. Even Gwyneth. And this in itself, is a good thing. It is essential to our growth as human beings, to be able to recognise the areas of ourselves that need improving and likewise, the areas we are doing damn fine in.

The reality is, we’re all doing the best we can and articles like this should not have the ability to make one feel as though Gwyneth is looking down on anyone, who doesn’t live the way she does. Furthermore, it is up to us, the reader, to look beyond the words on the screen and see a woman who happens to be an actress, married to a rock star, with 2 children with names we would not likely consider, who has written a cook book, hangs out with Jay-Z and Beyonce and wants to be home when said rock star comes home. No biggie.

What we see, is what the media shows us. We will never truly see Gwyneth or the mum next doors back stage either, so we must understand that their back stage is no better or worse than ours, it’s just different.

 “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” – Thoreau

Be sure you are SEEING  other mothers for what they truly are, women, celebrity or not, living their life, the best way they know how! More importantly, be sure you see yourself in the same light, a woman, juggling the demands of modern motherhood, the best way YOU know how, with or without the ability to rap

PS Here is a picture of Gwyneth with a lot of books. I included it because in my opinion, it is very cool.

In fact, I want to do a picture like this. Because I like books and writing and my pyjamas oh and I want a white macbook too but they don’t make them anymore Gwyneth, wanna pass on yours to me?

Not so long ago, I shared a picture on our Facebook page, showing how I had streamlined my bathroom cabinet into just 2 toiletry bags.

I was pretty proud of this and was doing really well at keeping the clutter at bay.

I figured that as long as it fit into these bags, it was ok. However day after day, I find myself digging through all this ‘never used’, ‘way too old’, ‘fail to impress’ make up, to get out my trusty pieces for my game face.

I made a mental note that I really must clean out the bags and be ruthless. Get rid of anything that I do not use, use once in a ‘blue eye shadow moon’ OR am just plain disappointed in, even though it is practically brand new and reminds me of wasted funds

The only reason these days I purchase magazines starting with ‘C’ is for free make-up  As I rummaged through, I realised I needed a new mascara, seeing as the 3 I had collected off said ‘C’ magazines were not cutting it and my trusty tube of Maybelline was past its expiry date.

I put ‘clean out make-up bag’ on my master to-do list and ‘mascara’ on my ‘to buy list’.

No sooner did I do this, when SunnyKids let me know we were going to have a MASCARA-THON!

Now this, my friends, is my kind of ‘athon’…

Whilst I have fond memories of walkathons complete with sticky orange fingers and sponsor cards for me, I must admit I am crying out for a fundraiser that doesn’t leave my purse empty, the kids on a sugar high and me with slightly expanded thighs from hanging with Freddo in a obsessive way {Hello ‘we just ate the whole box of chocs & now owe $60 to the school! Can I get a witness?}.

So to be able to buy a fab new mascara and raise money for SunnyKids, at the same time,  I figured now was the time  to clean out my make up bag.

Here is what it looked like, BEFORE….

Not too bad, right? Until we reach the ‘tip out’ stage…

Now I must confess, normally, when I sort through my ‘stuff”, be it make-up, clothes, magazines etc I normally pick up every single item and assess. This means the process takes 5000 times as long as it should and defeats the purpose of actually streamlining because YOU ALREADY KNOW what things you use on a regular basis.

So this time, I did something radical and instead of picking up each thing, reliving the moment I let the gorgeous woman in DJ’s talk me into that primer I would NEVER use and feeling the pain of the $60 down the drain all over again, I simply pretended I was doing my make-up for the day, or night. Because as much as I like to tell myself I experiment when I go out. I do not. I simply do same version, a bit heavier. Or book myself into Napoleon and let them work their magic {AFTER I tell them I am not 21 and heading into a techno club in the city. Those girls do LOVE a bit of colour if you are not careful!}.

So, in about 5 mins, my kit went from the picture above to THIS:

This is what I actually use, when I do my make-up, which is not even every day. Although I must confess I ALWAYS feel better and have a much nicer day when I take the time to pop on some tinted moisturiser, lip gloss, mascara & bronzer, if nothing else.

So, here is my MUST HAVE, MINIMALIST, MAKE UP KIT for MOTHERS!

BTW, I bought these products, this is NOT a sponsored post, so no beauty editor BS, just good quality products that save time, space and do the job WELL.

Tinted Day Cream by Kora Organics

This product is from Miranda Kerr’s line. Just quietly, I am a fan of all things Miranda Kerr, however not even SHE could convince me to pay $60 for a tinted moisturiser {especially when I am used to my $8 dove} unless it made my skin look and feel AMAZEBALLS!

Seriously, it is worth the investment and use sparingly. I was using it like an all over moisturiser when my cousin came to stay, tried it, fell in love too and then asked me “Why do you use SO much Stacey?”

Hmm, point taken. My tube now lasts ALOT longer and as a thank you to my cousin, here is a picture of her and I, in a tree, wearing the day cream. How organic of us Love you Jo x

Brows a-go-go Kit by Benefit Cosmetics

If you buy nothing else, ok AFTER you buy the tinted day cream, buy this.

It transforms your brows from now to WOW and whilst you are at it, get your brows done at the Brow Bar too, because it will change your life. Ok not your life, but your face and that will make you happier when you look in the mirror & can’t be bothered doing make-up. Be warned though, you may be put into ‘brow rehab’, however people will ask you where you get your eye brows done and seeing as I am talker and sharing is caring, I happily tell them where to go. However, I have to refrain going with them, watching the transformation & pretending I am the host of a ‘brow make over show’…..oooohhh ahhhhh can you BELIEVE IT, you’re going to stop traffic!

Big Beautiful Eyes Kit by Benefit Cosmetics

Followed closely by the brow kit is the eye kit, also by Benefit. This little kit is all you need to line, define and contour your eyes & these Benefit people just know their make-up, so I have a feeling my kit will see a bit more from them in the future. I am currently coveting Sugarbomb

Ultimate Mascara by Mary Kay Cosmetics

OK so I haven’t ACTUALLY tried this one YET however given that they are being so generous & donating $5 from every mascara sold, to SunnyKids, I am going to declare their Mascara awesome, until proven otherwise. If it is NOT awesome however, don’t blame me, I am not Moira or Glen {whom I have met & is a top bloke!} and no you can’t get your money back if the mascara sux Just think of it as a lovely donation and let’s wait for the next free one off one of those magazines that start with C

Lip Gloss

OK this is very simple, either Lucas Paw Paw ointment for moisture, gloss and no colour OR whatever is free on a magazine {currently Modelco which I am a fan of} OR I do have a couple of Napoleon ones I got when I had my make up done professionally by them for an event. I have not used a lip stick in years although I do look at the girls wearing bright red lippie sometimes and think ‘must give that a go’. However, I doubt I actually will because it reminds me of my mum on the beach in the 80′s trying to prevent cold sores from the sun

Bronzer

Currently I have a Napoleon one but to be honest, I’m not really a fan. My sports girl bronzing beads for $9.95 did just as good, if not better job and I am only sticking with this because I paid WAY too much for it in a moment of retail weakness & I had NOT had a tan. Once these run out in about 2024 I plan on investing in one from Benefit.

Eyeliner

1 black, 1 blue, free off magazines. Simple. I don’t even know the brands because they have worn off but they do the job. The brow kit also comes with a mini one so you are sorted regardless.

Tools

OK I once did a make up course and had dreams of running off to Hollywood & marrying Owen Wilson {cos Matt Damon married his make-up artist, Owen Wilson makes me laugh (big nose and all) so I figured I would be in with a shot, had I not already been married for 5 yrs with 2 kids by that stage!}. So of course I HAD TO have the squirrel hair brushes in the leather roll up pouch for a cool $400. Well, finally I realised I was NEVER going to be a celebrity make-up artist and really, what Mum has time for rolling out 40 brushes when she is lucky to use 2?

So, some chick scored BIG time at my recent garage sale with a full set of pro brushes minus the 2 you see pictured. My tools of trade are now much more streamlined & consist of 2 enormously expensive shadow brushes. A toothbrush for my eyebrows {cos those small ones are hideous and do not work}. An eye lash curler which really needs the rubbers replaced AND a free brush I got from Napoleon with the bronzer I had to sell an organ for . Oh AND a great BIG brush I use, to just blend everything in, which is from my old school friend, Danni at All about U cosmetics. This brush is vegan & well worth the investment!

Skincare

As far as skincare is concerned, I keep it VERY simple and have found I cannot go past these products:

Jojoba oil for cleansing AND moisturising my face, from Bubbles Essential Well-being. Plus I am OBSESSED with their face mists. Be Calm and Be Hydrated. No joke, I have one on my desk, one beside my bed, one in my bathroom draw and one in the fridge.

For my body, I get spray tans from Eco Tan and find I actually don’t need a moisturiser. These tans FEED your skin! However when I do feel dry and have exfoliated, then I use Organic Virgin Coconut Oil form the health food shop. I also cook with it

Minimalist…

OK so there you have it. My Minimalist Make Up Kit for Mothers!

For me, its more about how I feel than how I look, however there is no denying that when you look good, you feel good and a little bit of effort and the right products can go a LONG way.

I used to be a product junkie however these days, I am all about minimising, spending less, using better quality products and switching to natural and organic where possible. I want to use stuff to enhance what I’ve got, rather than covering it up.

So hopefully I have inspired you to go ATTACK your make-up kit and then brighten up your eyes and the future for an at risk Aussie kid by ordering a new mascara in our Mascara-thon!

Why not take an order form to school or work too! Not only will you help us raise more funds, the person who sells the most mascaras will receive a Mary Kay VELOCITY perfume, valued at $65.

Contact Mary-Ann to place your order & or, get an order form to take to school/work, then declutter your kit and be sure to take a before and after photo!

I want to see the minimising in action, so post them to our wall and I’ll pick the biggest transformation to win something from one of the products I have mentioned in my list!

I can’t tell you which once, because I haven’t arranged it yet but I will give away something, even if I buy it for you myself, or we could go get your brows done at the Brow bar in your capital city but you would have to fly me there & be ok with me bringing my video camera, now THAT would be fun…

PS Just how old IS your mascara?

Dear School Mum,

As you enter another new school year OR a whole new world, as your child starts school for the first time, I want you to know a few things, they don’t tell you in the school handbook.

Whilst the dress code for your little one is important, you will come across your own dress code challenges. The procedure for when your child is late is essential to know, however they won’t tell you not to beat yourself up over being late AGAIN because Mr 5 couldn’t find the socks you laid out last night for him and the toddler had to do a poo right as you were walking out the door. Oh and then you got into the car to discover the petrol light on….

So in light of all of this, I will share some of the important stuff for us mums. The stuff that will help you enjoy what you can and endure what you must for the next 12 or so years!

#1 HELPING.

You don’t need to help with everything or anything. If you have the time and you WANT to, then volunteer to help. Forget what OTHER mums are doing and do what feels right for you. Each ‘job’ has its benefits and you will learn a lot. I have to be honest here & say what you will learn most, will be about  yourself and other mums.

PLEASE don’t be the mum who helps with reading only so she can gauge where HER little one is at, against the rest of the class. I have worked with her and it is sad. Sad for you, our kids and mostly her, because she is already setting a standard for herself as a mother and her child that completely ignores the fact that every child learns differently. Furthermore, it is just plain nasty when you comment on other parents commitment to home readers. WORRY about what you do and leave the parenting of THEIR child to them.

Oh and if you choose canteen, prepare to have THE MOST FUN EVER, helping the Kindy’s. Prepare to buy for your child’s circle of friends which, on canteen day, is likely to expand to the WHOLE class. So take plenty of money because working in canteen COSTS you, however the return on your investment is PRICELESS!

#2 DRESS CODE.

It’s ok to wear whatever YOU want to drop off and pick up. Please don’t label the mums as the ‘Lorna Jane Set’ or the ‘K-Mart Crew’ as I have heard and seen. We are ALL mothers wanting the best for our children and it is JUST clothes. Be more concerned with the thoughts you select each day than your outfit. Sometimes you’ll dress up and other days you’ll forget your bra & undies. As long as they are not on your head, it really doesn’t matter {and I really don’t care if you wear your underwear on your outerwear however trust me, your child WILL}.

#3 THE INEVITABLE…

There are a few things that are inevitable. You WILL be late some days. You WILL forget to take bread out the freezer. You WILL send your child to mufti day in school uniform or vice versa. You will forget that GOLD coin and you WILL worry if they will make friends. Don’t worry about ANY of this because they WILL make friends, you WILL have it together ‘most’ of the time and YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Every mother is going to experience similar, just on a different day and whilst you may feel like you qualify for ‘worst mother of the year’ on those occasions, your child won’t remember them {unless of course you try to convince your son to go to ‘P’ day as a pumpkin rather than a pirate because you know there will be lots of pirates and a pumpkin is WAY different. Then your child WILL remember & he won’t let you forget it either. PS If you need a pumpkin costume, complete with a ‘patch top’ hat, I AM YOUR WOMAN!}

#4 Lunches.

Please don’t stress over them. There is no doubt your Kindy will be happy with whatever you give them and IT IS OK to give them then same thing every day. They like that. Enjoy this period while it lasts because the time comes soon enough when you will be told in the middle of Coles that your lunch making skills leave a lot to be desired and you are a slack mum for not putting maltesers in your child’s lunchbox. You will silently curse the mum who does that & wonder if she has read the handbook about ‘healthy lunch boxes’ and after one too may incidents in Coles, you will give in just once AND that will be the day the teacher does a spot check, your child will have the maltesers confiscated and once again you will feel like ‘worst mother of the year’. Resist the urge to call the teacher and say “but Sally’s mum did it” and just eat the maltesers yourself. This will make you feel MUCH better, trust me. PS My number one lunchbox tip, DO NOT get one of the lunch boxes you have to wipe out and not WASH. They suck. Even if you THINK you are being clever by putting all the food into separate containers INTO the nice lined lunchbox, your child will prefer to put the leftover sandwhich and half eaten yoghurt back into that lucnhbox and you my friend will spend night after night wiping out that thing, wishing it could go in the dishwasher

#5 THE MOST IMPORTANT!

Those mums, in that group. They’re just like you. They have the same fears at one time or another. There will always be various ‘groups’ and mums/dads on their own. Don’t stare at the mum rushing in AFTER the bell at assembly or the one with the toddler screaming. Throw her a life jacket, a smile. Walk over to her OR you walk over to THEM. Say hi, these are your daily peeps for a LONG time. You can hang out with them or not. There will be a mum who prides herself on knowing it ALL about everything and there will be a mum suffering depression thinking she is not good enough and everyone is talking about HER. You might be one of those mums or you might be blissfully unaware of the playground politics that has nothing to do with our children. At the core of all of this is, my message is rather simple and ONLY you are responsible for being the change you want to see in the playground. Your car compared to hers, her clothes compared to yours, her smile or lack thereof….ALL OF IT comes down to YOUR perception. Your perspective of that mum and your place in the playground. NONE of us got a ‘how to manual’ and we are ALL winging it!

You might love Lorna Jane , loathe her OR wonder who the hell this LJ woman is? {personally, I couldn’t have cared less until I discovered those flash pants of hers and this LJ woman is now a friend of my wardrobe}. We might be single or married. We might drive a BMW or a CRV. We might be totally uninterested in making friends or silently crying out for SOMEONE to talk to us. Whilst there is no doubt we are all vastly different, where we are ONE and the same, is that we all want the best for our kids!

So walk in, walk over and say HI.

She is not doing a better job than you, she is doing a different one. She is not judging you, or maybe she is, that’s her issue to work through.

It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that YOU know you are doing the best you can and thats all any of us can do.

I am not perfect, she is not perfect and YOU are not perfect and THAT, is PERFECT!

“We may have all come in different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

BE the change you want to see in motherhood!

Have a great school year Mama, only 10 weeks til holidays

PS Contacting books SUCKS unless you are a GUN at it and if that is the case, can you do my kids books too please?

Here’s the thing.

Today is the last day of the school holidays for many of us {I actually have another week} and I am fortunate to be able to work from home.

I KNOW guilt is a useless emotion but it doesn’t stop it from appearing.

Why is it that even though my little girl is perfectly happy playing by herself in her cubby, I feel guilty for working? Then I feel even more guilty that I don’t actually ‘want’ to play

Thankfully, I am in a place now where I quickly recognise these feelings and grab my trusty journal to unravel them for what they REALLY are, rather than allow myself to take yet another a ‘guilt’ trip.

As a new mother, I not only took these trips often, I was earning some serious frequent traveller points. Each time I would pack more and more guilt into my bags, making the journey even harder with my heavy load and wondering why each time, the trip always took me to the same destination…”I feel like shit town”.

After many months of counselling and adding journaling to my motherhood toolkit, I can honestly say that whilst the guilt still comes, I notice it & rather than rush for my suitcase, I grab my pen & journal instead.

So I wrote in my journal about this feeling and realised that apart from putting way too much pressure on myself, ultimately, this guilt was coming from a perception of how I THINK, I should be, as a mother.

The reality is, I am happily getting work done and my daughter is happily playing. So what is really messing with my head, is the picture I have in it, of what I think I am SUPPOSED to be doing, as a mother!

Unfortunately, it does’t stop with us. If we’re not vigilant, we get a picture in our head about how MOTHERHOOD in general, is supposed to be and that’s a dangerous picture to paint!

When we place motherhood in a box, with strict rules about what is and is not ok, we set ourselves and other mothers up for failure because none of us can EVER live up to our own or anyone else’s ideals.

When we compare ourselves to other mothers, or the picture of motherhood we have created in our head, we are saying that WE or THEY are not good enough, and THAT my friend, is a LOAD OF CRAP.

The same CRAP you are packing into your bags that is weighing you down for that exhausting guilt trip!

The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to another mother, remind yourself this…

Other mothers are not doing a BETTER  or WORSE job than you, they are doing a DIFFERENT job, mothering THEIR children, not YOURS!

The next time you find yourself looking at your own life through the lens of the picture you THINK you should be, adjust the view on your camera of life!

More often than not, we are WAY out of focus and trying to capture someone else’s VIEW….

We tend to get so caught up in our heads planning the perfect life, without actually LIVING the one we have.

We must be vigilant, for ourselves, other mothers and our children…

We must be AWARE when the guilty bus arrives, tempting you to board for ‘I feel like shit’ town.

We must be AWARE when we’re running a feature film in our head about how our life is SUPPOSED to look.

Because put simply, we cannot change what we are not AWARE of.

Worst of all, whilst you’re busy on your guilt trip, watching how your life is supposed to look INSIDE your head, you are exhausting yourself, beating yourself up and telling your children that their mother is not good enough….and believe me, that is so far from reality.

The reality is, YOU are doing WAY better than you think!

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

I first noticed her cute little red car because it had antlers on it…

I pointed it out to the kids and mentally noted that she must be a fun mum!

I knew she was a single mum, because of the sticker family on the back, consisting of 1 mum with a phone in her hand and 2 ballerinas

Seconds later, I would notice her for a very different reason.I was about to watch art imitate life with that stick figure and her phone.

You see, this mum, with her 2 ballerinas in the back, whilst doing 100km p/h on the freeway, was texting and as a result, swerving into my lane

I beeped the horn and quickly glanced her way. Not in a ‘you idiot’ kind of way, in a ‘you almost ran me off the road, frightened the hell out of me, please pay attention’ kind of way. My fear was greeted with the filthiest look, all whilst still holding her phone in her hand. As if ‘I’ had ‘interrupted’ her…

Rattled & tingly under the armpits (does anyone else get that after a ‘near miss’?), my mind ran away from me, as I thought about the impact her choice to send or respond to a msg whilst driving (and at a high speed at that) could have had, on my family and hers (not to mention the other cars around us).

In that moment, I was woken up!

I realised that whilst I personally, choose never to text whilst driving, I am no better in the sense that I often read them when stopped at the lights and I also talk with my earphones in my ear. In fact, just the other day, I crossed the road after a meeting with my iPad in my hands, whilst reading emails. How ridiculous and dangerous!

Whats even more ridiculous, is that I read an article in the Daily Telegraph on Monday, reporting how ‘texting and not paying attention could be the death of you’ and it had really spoken to me…

Imagine my children being told, “we’re very sorry but your mum has died. Unfortunately she felt her emails were so important, she couldn’t possibly stop and sit to read them, so she kept walking and crossed the road (don’t worry, the man was green) whilst reading them on her iPad and walked straight into a car”.

Sounds dramatic, yes? Stranger things have happened.

To talk whilst driving, even on hands free, is dangerous, let alone texting whilst driving or reading whilst walking.

I really want to know when doing ONE thing and doing it well (i.e. SAFELY), became so inefficient?

When did driving become less about getting to your destination and turn into an opportunity to make a call, reply to an email, take a photo, shazam a song, have a near miss accident and then arrive at your destination, not even remembering how you got there because you were so distracted and on auto pilot?

In my opinion, this whole ‘smart phone’ thing, is making us really really dumb

That mother made a dumb choice that morning that could have cost us all our lives…for a message that could have waited!  And clearly she is not alone.

I have made dumb choices (walk & check emails anyone?) and how many cars do you see on the road everyday, with heads down and one hand on the wheel? Perhaps you don’t see them because you are one of them?

This dumb, totally preventable epidemic, is NOT going to STOP, unless WE do!

It is our responsibility to keep ourselves, our children and the lives of others, safe, by driving to the best of our ability and conditions. There is a time and place for EVERYTHING and the roads and our children, deserve our FULL attention.

When we are connected to our phone, we are NOT connected to the people with us.

And this goes for outside of the car too…

Whilst out for dinner at a local surf club, with my children and their father recently, I mentally noted, as I often do, how lucky I am. I was out for dinner, taking in the ocean view, salty breeze blowing on my face, eating, drinking and talking. If you were watching me however, you would have seen all of those things plus a woman who intermittently checks her phone.

A message here, a quick email there, a memory captured with my camera, an idea noted there.   My smart phone is a tool, it allows me stay connected to my work, take photos, jot down notes and so much more. Not a big deal. More of  of us do it than not, these days, and it’s not like I am constantly on it, right?

Well, that’s a matter of perception…

“Look at that mum over on that table” said my children’s father.

Umm, OK.  ”She looks sad” I said, without hesitation, whilst wondering what his point was.

Just as I was about to share my opinion on why she might seem so sad, it was pointed out to me that the father, had not taken his eyes or hands off his iPhone. Furthermore, the smile on his face was as big as the sad frown on his wives

“He’s been on that phone since they sat down Stacey”, Darren said to me. Before quickly adding, “I feel like the wife looks….”

OUCH!

It has to be said, the old Stacey would have defended herself. Shot him down in flames and proceeded to defend my smart little 3rd arm.

Instead, I shut my mouth and opened my eyes….  

I watched that Dad, his wife, his kids…for a good five minutes and I felt an ache in the pit of stomach.

I have no idea what that Dad was doing. He may have been ‘present’ with his wife and kids all day. However, one thing I did know, was in that moment, whilst he was off cyber world, the real world was unfolding right in front of him and he was missing it…

Suddenly, I realised that even though I only quickly glance here, or quickly reply there, my family felt like I was juggling them around my phone and my multiple interactions meant I wasn’t giving anyone, my full attention.

I wanted to go over to the Dad and say “Hey, I know you THINK what you’re doing right now is really important. I thought that too. But is it really that important that you can’t put your phone away whilst you enjoy dinner with your kids? Maybe it is and this is a one off but look at your wife. She’s beautiful and she’s handling all 4 kids whilst you smile at your phone. Could you smile at her instead?”

Of course I didn’t, because it’s none of my business what he chooses to do and my energy would be better channelled into silently thanking him for waking me up and giving MYSELF a good talking to…

“Hey Stacey, I know you THINK what you’re doing right now is really important, but is it really that important that you can’t put your phone away whilst you enjoy dinner with your kids?  Do you really believe that checking your phone for 30 seconds, every 5 minutes is not distracting you? Sure, the phone is no longer just a phone, so keep capturing photos of your little ones but can you get back to being in the moment, rather than uploading it to instagram/facebook/twitter and subsequently reading comments (many from people you don’t even know) about what a wonderful time you must be having.

YOU ARE having a wonderful time..and you’re MISSING IT!

Whilst you were ‘checking in’ on Facebook, you missed your little girl skipping happily into that restaurant, because her WHOLE family was together, having dinner, at a special place. Whilst you replied to that text, your son tried to tell you a joke and gave up after you said “hang on sweetie, in a minute, just let me reply to this text”. Your son is actually really funny, if you would only switch off from the distractions and switch on to his view of the world. Is the contents of that text, really that important? More important than paying attention to your family, the ones you declare you love most? “

THIS is what I need to hear. Perhaps you need to hear it too?

Can I encourage you to share this post and help spread this message. Maybe that mum in the cute red car will read it and CHOOSE never to text again. Maybe that Dad will read it and put his phone away at dinner. Maybe they won’t. But we have to try so we can be aware of the impact our phone habits can have on our family, not to mention the world around us…

Because this little ‘smart’ device, that seemingly makes our lives so much easier, also makes them so much more difficult. And if we are not ‘smart’ about how we use them, they can and will, cost us so much more than money!

How is your relationship with your phone?

Perhaps you are on the other side, with a partner addicted to their phone?

Did this article speak to you? I would love to hear your thoughts…

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After spending one Saturday night in my bath recently, wine in hand, singing “I wanna know what LOVE is” in a duet with Foreigner, I realised {apart from the fact that I could have been straight out of a B grade, 80′s movie scene} that at 33 yrs old,  I am only JUST discovering what LOVE means…

In the past, I have never given much thought to LOVE.

I just thought I knew, what it is.

To me, it was simple. There are different kinds of love.

The love you have for your parents, your partner, your kids, your friends and, your new red shoes…ok maybe that’s not love but a whole lotta like, yes?  ;)

{would be a crime against the sisterhood to not A: show you the shoes & B: tell you that you can get them NOW on sale at Witchery!}

OK where was I?

Oh, shoes can change your life. No wait, that’s Cinderella and a fairytale, back to real life…

LOVE is different for everyone and whilst I have never held back on saying those 3 words, what I know now is…I said them too much and not enough!

The biggest realisation thus far, is that I cannot ‘expect’ my partner, family or friends, to fulfil my ‘LOVE’ needs, if I don’t know what they are. What makes it worse, is when rather than take the time to figure out what those needs are, we simply ‘expect’ others to meet some impossible ideal {which my wise friend Alex believes, stems from being at home with a mother who watched Days of our lives, where a woman is either in mad, passionate, earth shattering love or, needing an excorsism performed on her because she is possessed with demons lol}

Dr Phil once said;

For two people to be happy together, they have to feel their needs are being met. But there is not a soul on earth who can meet your needs if you don’t even know what they are. You’ve got to do some self exploration, so that you know firmly who you are are, what you value and what will fulfill you.

Hmmm

As I read these words over and over, I realised that in recent months, I’ve been so busy looking for confirmation that I don’t care about certain people, that I made it nearly impossible to SEE how much I do. Likewise, I was expecting loved ones to meet my needs A: without asking and B: without knowing what they are!

That is pretty much like walking into a restaurant, sitting down and ‘expecting’ the waiter to know you are hungry and bring you a suitable meal. Only when he does that, you are not happy, because you don’t want to eat, what he has offered. In fact, you don’t want anything he can offer because you don’t actually know what you want to eat!

How on earth is he meant to succeed at meeting your needs?

Obviously, he can’t and the only person that can, is you!

However, even YOU cannot meet your own needs, if you don’t know what those needs are.

Expecting too much of others, puts us in a constant state of wanting and waiting for things to get ‘better’. And things will never get better while ever we are ‘attached’ to a certain expectation of someone, in order to produce our ‘percieved’ desired outcome.

It is a fine line between making our needs known, without sub-conciously demanding that someone else meets those needs. We can never be responsible for another persons happiness, we can only responsible for our own. However, we can certainly make our needs to known to our loved ones, as long as our happiness does not depend on them meeting those needs.

When it comes to ASKING, we must first ask ourselves, before anyone else, WHAT DO I WANT?

Barbara De Angelis, an American researcher on personal relationships and growth, could not have been more spot on when she said;

After a while you learn the subtle difference, between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning, and company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts, and presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats, with your head up and your eyes open,

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today, because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong and you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn…

With every good-bye you learn.

By Robert Burns

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Tonight, I am spending my first night alone, EVER.

As in overnight, by myself.

First time. Ever. In 33 yrs.

Did I mention this is my 1st time sleeping alone, EVER?????? I am fine. Seriously

It’s hard to believe that this could be true of someone who has lived for 33 yrs, yes?

Not so long ago, the thought of doing this, would have caused me to jump on the phone and promptly invite myself to your place for a sleep over. I was scared.

Scared to be alone, not in a house, but with myself (ok maybe just a little about the house thing but I have strategies).

Since hopping on the roller coaster that is ‘separation’, I have come to realise, I am facing my biggest fears (Mr Dentist, you are still numero uno on the list mind you) and I am handling my shit!

Ok so I could have said that last line differently but truth is, I am proud of myself and I am proud of my husband because we are keeping it real, acknowledging our stuff and are committed to being the best individuals we can, for ourselves, our children and maybe one day, US again.

Even as I write this, I don’t really want to use the word shit, but it just feels right. You see, a funny thing happens when you deal with your shit, suddenly you can smell everyone else’s a mile off and let me tell you, it is quite a sight watching everyone spray air freshener, pretending that their shit does’t stink!

What I am trying to say, rather un-eloquently, is that I have never felt more alive, waking up each day, knowing there are going to be moments of beauty, that will take my breath away and likewise, pain filled moments, that smell like shit, which will also take my breath away. OK enough of my shit

When I wrote the post ‘Walking the path to myself’ last week, I  explained it was the hardest, easiest post, I have EVER written.

Likewise, living, separated from my husband, is the hardest, easiest thing, I have ever done…

It is all at once,  a wonderful/horrible mix of staying true to myself, whilst knowing I am dissapointing another and yet wanting/needing to remain a postive parent.

After the post was published, I was overwhelmed by the responses coming in, both on the blog and via email.

From those in the same boat, those wanting to be in the boat and those whose parents, are in that boat.

Their words were healing, painful and hopeful. Helping me, as much as mine were helping them.

This path I am walking, I am walking alone.

Yet I am led by those who have walked before me, whilst shining a light for those, who are yet to take that first, scary step.

I feel like Whitney ‘freaking’ Houston, singing ‘The Greatest Love of All’ but I want you to know, the key to happiness, can NEVER be found in someone else’s pocket!

In fact, I have found, there is no key to happiness, ONLY a key to unlocking the most amazing existence you could ever imagine, simply by LOVING YOURSELF!

Because if YOU are IN love with yourself, then you can live a life that sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away….

 sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away….

The wise words above, are from a poem, that a Sunny Mummy shared a verse from with me, after I posted the news of my separation.

It spoke to my soul and I share this with you now, with the hope that is does the same for you….

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me,what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own. If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me, who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Not so long ago, I wrote about ‘facing your feelings‘, to share that there was a tough issue I am facing personally, without sharing the ‘actual’ issue. The issue I was facing, called for looking within, in a way that I have NEVER done before, and sitting with the feelings that were surfacing.

It was and IS, bloody tough.

At the time, I shared how I was feeling with only 3 people. One of those people, was my soul sista, Lisa, of Lisa and Mini G.

This woman is such a wise owl, I almost expect her to ‘hoot’ at night

Upon sharing how I was feeling, Lisa immediately suggested I needed to get away for the weekend. To be me. Stacey. Alone with my thoughts.

At the time, we both thought we would spend this weekend, discussing where I was at and workshop ways to move forward, as a result.

Over the coming weeks, HUGE things happened in my life. I read widely, looked deep within and shared freely with my psychologist, who helped me become, the Sunny Mummy I am today.

In the midst of a raging storm, whilst decked out in gumboots, a raincoat and umbrella, I knew the rainbow was coming but that I needed to experience the storm. Rather than hide & seek shelter, I looked the storm in the eye, danced in the rain and got a burnt a couple of times by lightening. It was scary.

However, through it all, somehow, I felt a deep sense of peace…

Could it be, this was the perfect storm?

The one that was in the forecast for years but kept getting swept away by my inability to cope with it, in other seasons?

Finally, my season was here and it was time to batten down the hatches.

Or was it?

No, rather than hide while this storm passed, I chose to face my fear and with the help of my amazing support network, I decided to acknowledge that it was/is a difficult time.

I let myself off the hook….

At the end of the day, all any of us can ever do, is the best we can, at this time, in this moment, with the variables we have been given.

I welcomed the transition phase and now, am learning to cope with a new set of circumstances.

And what are these circumstances?

Well this time last week, I was checking into the AMAZING Byron at Byron, Resort and Spa, for the weekend Lisa had planned for us, back when the clouds started rolling in.

Looking back, neither of us realised how significant, this weekend, would turn out to be.

“Are you here for the wedding? ” , the staff politely enquired.

Lisa and I looked at each other….

“Quite the opposite”, I replied.

You see, last weekend, marked the 1st ever, as a weekend to myself, as Stacey, an adult woman, who has just seperated from her husband

I  cried, laughed, meditated, journaled, conceptualised a book, danced and, ticked many things off a list of things I have never done and swore I would never do!

Rules. Silly rules that I let define me.

No more.

In this day and age of social networking, our network = our support system.

Our interaction with one another moves us towards interdependence, albeit behind a screen alot of the time.

Interdependence flows into growth. To grow, one must share, sharing is vital to the survivial of us all.

I have ALWAYS kept it real as Sunny Mummy and NOTHING has been more REAL than this…

I have learnt more about myself in 4 weeks than 33 years and last weekend, as I met Stacey, I learnt that she is a TOP CHICK and so much MORE than a mother and wife.

Spending the weekend in paradise with Lisa, who has walked this path before me, was nothing short of life changing.

{Lisa and I enJOYing Byron on our 1st night out}

Lisa has held my hand without guiding me in any direction and whilst I feel incredible pain for the circumstances, I also feel profound peace…

Whilst I have always known life is not a competition for who is happier or not, who posseses more drama or is calmer (just quietly, I could have a crack at most drama title) what I have come to realise, is that this is OUR life, OUR journey and whilst people join you on it, at certain times, the only person ever with you, the entire time, is YOU!

One needs to know and LOVE, themselves wholly and deeply, in order to be truly at peace.

For the first time ever, I am living day by day.

No plans. No expectations. Just recognising the POWER OF NOW!

I now truly understand,  I am, we all are, a work in progress, that will never be complete!

A woman walking the path of life, stopping along the way to see different places, meet different people and certainly NOT living, with the end in mind.

NOW, is all I want in my mind because yesterday is OVER and tomorrow has not happened yet…I don’t want my mind visiting places that no longer, or are yet to, exist.

My weekend in Byron was BEYOND blissful and you can read a little about it, from Lisa’s perspective, plus see some more lovely pics, over at Lisa and Mini G.

Next week, Lisa and I will share more about this piece of paradise, that we are already planning to return to, to commence writing our first book together.

Thank you for reading this, for being a part of my life, for your encouragement, support and understanding during this time.

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be yourself – Alan Alda

Ps The picture above, of me walking on the boardwalk at the resort, was captured by Lisa. The dress I am wearing is my absolute all time FAVE and from Bella Lido. Oh and no, my tan is NOT real It is Australia’s only organic tan, Eco Tan (highly recommend the invisible tan for at home use).

Also, the books I have read to help me during this time are ‘A New Earth’ by Eckhart Tolle and ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay. I cannot recommend them highly enough for anyone who wants to change their approach to life. The next book I recommend you read, is by yours truly and Lisa J Humphries, oh wait, you’ll have to wait til 2012 for that one. It will be a best seller!

BELIEVE x

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Today is the FIRST day of SPRING.

What a great day to soak up the WARM air, FRESH perspective and think about this new season in LIFE!

When spring arrives, many of us start thinking about spring cleaning our home, let’s add our mind to that list too!

Do you have anything in your home that is dated or unattractive? Perhaps there is a gift from someone that you don’t even like but feel you have to keep or something sentimental that sits in a box but you feel you can’t get rid of? There are soooooo many books on decluttering and simplifying your home and all of them offer loads of great advice, but I find they overcomplicate things. Why do we need systems to decide if something should stay or go?

The bottom line is this, anything in your home that does not make your day to day life a little easier, brings you joy when you look at it, or simply no longer gets used…GET RID OF IT!

Don’t overthink it, it is your home and your life and the less STUFF you have in it, the easier it is to keep clean and enjoy..you don’t have to justify this to anyone. It does not matter what it cost back then, or who gave it to you…if it is sitting in a box or collecting dust then you’re not using it or appreciating it anyway.

Give yourself permission today to begin to rid your life of STUFF that you simply do not like, need or want….less really is more and makes it so much easier to keep your house tidy leaving more time for LIVING!

So, if we struggle with letting go of stuff in our homes that takes up room and increases our workload, then how many of us struggle with the clutter in our minds?

This used to be a BIG problem for me and still can be, if I don’t stay aware. How many thoughts do you have running through your mind everyday? I know if you tuned into my mind at any given time it used to sound something like this: “Good Morning world, today on the Stacey show we have 3 lunches to make, 2 loads of washing to do, books to return to the library, a school project to assist with, an rsvp required to a 30th b’day, 1/2 an hr to be spent in k-mart choosing a present for a 5th b’day, a grandmother to be called, 4 bills to be paid, a cheque to be banked, help with reading down at the school, look for a lost jumper and hat whilst there, a friend to call who’s father is sick, milk to be bought, soccer training to attend, dinner to be cooked..etc etc etc”

And thats just the thoughts about what I have to do that day, what about the other thoughts that can creep in “So and so hasn’t called me back, I wonder if everything is ok? Perhaps I said something to upset her, gee I hate this bathroom…once it gets renovated then life will be so much better, I really must start eating better my jeans don’t fit, I am sooo tired..I wish we could afford a holiday BLAH BLAH BLAH”

The many hats we wear as mothers pretty much gurantees that at any given time there will be loads of thoughts racing through our minds. We are always so busy THINKING about the what we have to do or about the future that we never seem to be really here, in TODAY!

Somehow us Mummies got into the habit of doing, doing, doing and thinking, thinking, thinking all the time. We need to STOP and ask ourselves if what we are doing or thinking really matters or is it just habit?

We do not have to keep up with everyone else racing through life, we don’t have to get up each day and feel like a mouse on a treadmill, we can CHOOSE to slow down our minds and our lives…

There will always be people with more than us, as well as people who have less, lets make the decision TODAY to be content with what we have. I am not saying we should never strive for more but more of what? More stuff? A bigger house, better car? So many of us are addicted to the “Once I…lose weight, get a new car/house/wardrobe/kitchen or whatever then I will be happy” Yes you will, for a brief moment and then you will be onto the next thing…

THOUGHTS, just like STUFF can be acquired, hoarded and discarded….both distract from who we really are.

So on the FIRST day of spring, lets CHOOSE to begin the process of simplifying both our homes and minds, so we can be on our way to ridding our lives of useless clutter that prevents us from truly enJOYing LIFE!

What will you END today, to welcome a NEW beginning?